The subtle nudges that change your life

I have found that it is the subtle nudges that change one's life - or save it. The magic that makes a life is not in the big dramatic events, but in the quiet small gestures/nudges that happen along the way.

This concept is the polar opposite of what many of us have been brainwashed with throughout or lives. Many of us have Palm Pilots or Daytimers. We diligently outline 5 year plans and 10 year plans…and believe that we have outlined or created appointments for all the major events of our lives.

They say hindsight is 20/20. Upon reflection, the moments that initiate the major transitions in our lives are in reality almost afterthoughts or subtle nudges that move us from one direction to another.

Viktor E. Frankl survived 3 years in Auschwitz during World War II and wrote A Man’s Search for Meaning. In his later book, Recollections: An Autobiography, he described at least two situations in which his life was saved in the camps as an afterthought of a guard or a fellow prisoner. For example, Dr. Frankl was the last inmate loaded onto a truck for transport to the gas chambers. A prisoner standing near the truck arbitrarily picked a fight with another inmate, threw the inmate onto the truck and pulled Dr. Frankl off – right before the transport drove away.

In a more benign example, back in the 1980s the actor Mark Harmon was auditioning to be the spokesperson for a beer company. In his first audition, Mr. Harmon was clean-shaven and wore a business suit. The audition did not go well and as he was leaving the room, the casting director, as an afterthought, asked him, “can you look more rugged?” After saying, “absolutely” Mr. Harmon was asked for a call-back and got the gig. He ended up making 23 commercials for Coors in the late 1980s.

On a more personal note, upon reflection all the major events in my life occurred not because I planned them in my Daytimer – but instead because of a subtle nudge that pushed me in one direction rather than another.

All the important people in my life – I met through chance encounters. All of the jobs on my resume were attained not through strategic planning but instead through chance encounters with key people or due to afterthoughts of the person sorting the resumes.

There were two Laundromats in the sleepy beach town I lived in ~18 years ago. The only reason I met my husband on that particular Saturday was because the Laundromat I usually went to was closed. I was forced to do my laundry at the other one…and my life changed that day when I met my future husband.

Many years later, I was unhappy in my job and was trying to figure out what company I should send my resume to. One day at lunchtime I was standing in a long line at deli. I looked at all the people in line…and was trying to figure out where they worked and wondered if I would want to work with any of them. The man standing next to me was dressed in a nice suit and seemed like a person I’d like to work with. I asked him where he worked…he not only told me the name of the company but he also gave me a name of a person to send my resume to. To make a long story short, I sent my resume to that person and ended up working for that company for over 7 years.

In another situation, I was called in for a job interview as an afterthought. I sent my resume in for one job and several months later I was called in to interview for another job. It turns out I was over qualified for the first job and my resume was put in a file. When the second job opened up, a woman sorted through the old resumes – saw mine and put it in the call-back pile. I ended up working for that company for several years.

I would like to think of these subtle nudges as our guardian angels, guides or higher selves trying to help us…in-spite of ourselves… like being coached from the beyond.

Instead of allowing our lives to unfold naturally, many times we get in our own way with our preconceived ideas of how our lives should be. The magic that makes a life is not in the big dramatic events or even the planned events. Instead the magic that makes a life is in the quiet small gestures and nudges that happen along the way.

It is the subtle nudges that change one's life - or save it.


Frankl, V.E., Fabry, J. (2000). Recollections: An Autobiography. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing